Fighting It Out

1.5 years, if I ever think of that before the time I was diagnosed with cancer I wouldn't really know about this time period in 22 years of my life. And if you ask me about anything from the year Nov 2010 to March 2012, I can remember each and every day in front of my eyes. I finished my last chemo in September 2011; with this I thought it would be the end of the dreaded disease and the worst time of my life.

I was hopeful of a better life ahead of me but there was something that didn't strike me then, it’s not just the period of your treatment that is important, your time of recovery from that surgery that takes out a lot from you so that you can survive to the poison that takes out the life from you so you can live is a very important one.  Where I went wrong was when I saw people recovering around me and getting back to normal lives quite soon, so that made me think even I will hit the road back soon.

I didn't realize that time that each body is different, each person is different, the poison is different and the dose is different. This is as difficult a phase as fighting the disease, i.e, because you are rearing to go but you always end up with some small problems, and these smaller problems become the big dangers in your head. That phase from recovering to getting fine has been a tough one for me, every other day a small problem arises, scaring you of whether something inside you has gone wrong again, whether those syringes will again start going inside you, whether that hospital bed is waiting for you, where you had the toughest time of your life. Every night I pray just about one thing never should anyone see a hospital bed in their life.

I have cried through the nights, I have been dazed in the mornings, I have sat on the same bed for weeks, I have heard everyone tell me its all going to be fine, its just the last battle, I have heard from everyone that I am a brave fighter, but on some days I just want to listen to its over, never will anything happen regarding this, you are a free bird.

And then I realize the kind of life I have lived even with the most dangerous thing on my head, I am a free bird, I smile more than a lot of people do around me, I crib less than people with the best of everything and one thing I have more than anyone is HOPE, I live every day because I have Hope and Faith that my strength will kill this thing. And I know no matter what happens will do what I want, I worked when I wanted to, I travelled where ever I wanted to. Yes in the middle I have fallen sick but everyone will always say one thing - she does things she liked, she lived her life, she smiled even when she came out of a 6 hour long surgery.

No matter what it takes, how much time it takes, I will beat you. You try to ever come back I will personally make sure you die, you tumour, you negativity. You can make me helpless at time, u can make me weak, but trust me you, you can't break my spirit.